New Year brings New Direction.

Hey everybody, sorry I haven't posted in awhile.

Anyways, I've been UBER busy. I've been working on a website that looks pretty killer, I've been writing a lot of new music, and I've basically just been growing up and maturing as an adult.

New Years Eve was funny for me. It was the night I finally let someone go. It was the right thing to do, and I have no regrets.

No one should ever be treated like a second class citizen. Its not okay to bash people in a malicious manor, especially someone who has damn near given up his life for you.

I was in this person in the trenches for 6 months. I would've done anything for her. But I started to get treated unfairly. I was cheated on twice, and I forgave both times. I got pushed aside when she met someone else (I'm 3,000 miles away, I was fine with us moving on, but I was treated like garbage), but I forgave. I got lied to, with the lie nearly destroying me emotionally. But I forgave. This person even tried to take my life, and I forgave her. Then we got into a fight at a resturant, that was instigated by her, and I just had it. I couldn't trust her anymore. She let random people fill her head up with garbage, and spewed it onto me.

I realized I've become something I'm not. I had a temper I've never had before. I wasn't as truth worthy. I wasn't the person I wanted to be. I'd essentially become a crazy man. lol.

Later that night, she offered something she made for me. That was a cross roads for me. It was either go back, repeat history, and eventually get hurt again, or get caught up in some really horrible drama, or I could move on. I chose to move on.

I always tried to be a Knight in Shining Armor. But in reality, I'm not that. I'm John Culkin, just an ordinary guy trying to do the right thing in the world. I had given up everything, I even almost gave up becoming a composer for this person, that just completely abused me mentally, and made me feel like less of a person. I was never happy. In the words of Shawn Micheals "I lost my smile."

But I'm regaining it again. I'm starting to really enjoy living here in California. I'm meeting really good friends, and still keep in touch with the people that meant the most to me back home in New York.

The Game Developer Conference is in two weeks, and I'm REALLY excited for it. I get to see a few buddies of mine I haven't seen in awhile, and I get to meet new ones as well. I'm finally starting to immerse myself in the experience of living in California.

I'm starting to look for a small part time job to make some money for new gear, and I'm eating a lot better and trying to stay active so I can lose weight. I finally get to redefine myself. I feel mentally, physically, socially and spiritually more happy then I think I've ever been. I'm starting to live my dream, and I'm not looking back, and I have no regrets.

I'm not a greedy person, but I do have a dream of moving back to Long Island, buying a beautiful house, and building a beautiful studio in it, and now I'm starting to feel like its going to be a reality.

My new thing it to take up a new hobby here. My friend Mike keeps pushing me to try out Surfing, and I think once I lose enough weight, I'll probably take it up. It seems like so much fun, but we'll see.

But all I can say is, I've never felt more at peace. Sometimes, if someone you care about is being negative, and putting you down, you have to let them go. Words sometimes aren't enough. Action is everything.